also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
