I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
