you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
