i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
