I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
