tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
