woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize