porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
