Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
