My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
