I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
