apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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