She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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