youre lurking in front of me
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
