the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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