Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
