woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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