Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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