We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
