Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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