I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
