I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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