I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
