I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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