Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
