Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
