Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
