Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
