I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
