I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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