Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
