and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
