Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
