officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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