Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
