Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
