puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
