woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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