she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
