I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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