Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
