Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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