sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
