Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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