Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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