Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
