I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
