youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I love you. Go after that dick
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
