i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
