Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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