Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
