and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
