in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
