someone get that fucking seahorse.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
