I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
