i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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