You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
