The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
