the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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