Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
false alarm. still invincible.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
