just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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