I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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