Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
