It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
