STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
id be glad to
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
