end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
